I bloviate, you bloviate, (and more probably) he bloviates…

Dictionary.com has a great opt-in, which is to receive an email with their word of the day. It’s an American site, which means that sometimes the definitions they send are slightly off target compared to their “proper” English use. For example, it defined prevaricate as to deliberately depart from the truth. A flurry of emails between me and similarly minded English pedants later and we concluded that this must be the US meaning, which is more sinister than the UK meaning. The same is true of the word scheme, which in the UK is often something as benevolent as a pension but in American English almost certainly refers to criminality and conspiracy. Perhaps this says something about the more twitchy and suspicious nature of US society?

One word that came from word of the day is “bloviate”, which is rare in America and virtually non-existent in England. This is a shame, as it’s a fabulous word. The Americans have done such violence to the English language but we should encourage them when they invent good words by using them. To bloviate means to speak loudly, pompously and at length. I’m currently having lunch in my favourite coffee shop in Manchester and listening to a solicitor bloviate to his more junior colleague. Simply listening in has given me much information about their business, their colleagues and potentially sensitive information about their corporate clients. Surely no profession has the same tendency to bloviate as lawyers? As a chartered accountant, I’d recognise that bloviating in a public place is also a breach of confidentiality ethics.

I’m so glad to be out of law.

Veil, again

So, the teaching assistant in Yorkshire who was suspended for refusing to take off her veil when teaching English to kids with special English needs has been sacked. Quite right, too. Click here for the story if you've not read it.

This comment is resolutely not racist. It’s simply not possible to do the job properly with some kids with one’s mouth covered, as some lipread. She’s no more qualified to do that job than I am qualified to work as a Rabbi. The local authority did well to stand up for commonsense against the tediously inevitable charges of racism. That slightly surprises me, although it pleases me too.

I have to say that I find the Arabic tradition’s assumption that women have to cover themselves with a veil, or men will be driven into a frenzy of unstoppable sexual urge rather offensive to straight men. I don’t think that’s racist but I’m open to feedback that it is. I suppose that if they’re not used to the sight of a woman’s naked (feigns shock…) face then it might be mildly distracting for a moment, but they’d get over it. In much the same way that I got over the slight distraction of seeing lots of completely naked unusually fit men at the gym. You simply quickly stop noticing such things and get about your business. Sorry boys and girls, I defend your right to wear what you want in general, but you really are being silly. Get over it.

Dragostea Tin Dei (and other shite)

Sorry for the slight interruption in ramblings. I’ve been chided by a few people by email for the interruption. Sorry, I was in Gran Canaria for a week, doing very little (or at least very little worth hearing about).

I came down to London for what was basically a job interview yesterday and am catching up with friends. The interview was more of a fireside chat with somebody I’ve known for ages, although not well. An advantage of being an old git is that people in “the industry” already know who I am so it’s really just a case of whoring myself around for the best offer. Here was a typical part of the conversation with my female interviewer/ past colleague:

Interviewer: “If you’d come here six months ago, we were so busy, I would have bitten your hand off right there and then. And your head.”

Me: “Well, as long as you’d left the bits I really care about alone.”

Interviewer: (Laughs) “No point going there. I know that I’m not exactly your sort.”

Me: “Not unless you’re hiding a big secret. The bigger the better, if you get me.”

(General “fat slags” giggling and pleasing thoughts that we’re both being paid to talk shite).

The evening brought a very pleasing dinner with a friend who is very good fun and who I am apt to forget is very important. In a couple of hours, she basically put several months’ worth of work my way. I am lucky indeed to not only be able to get work quite easily, but also to get to work with people I like and respect. If I’m currently whoring myself around for money (as I am), I have the advantage of being a whore who’s fond of his clients. Can’t moan at that.

I between meetings, I went to Holmes Place in Putney. It’s much smaller and more crowded than I remember from my years of living in Putney; nothing like as good as Homos’ Place at the Printworks in Manchester. I’ve developed an unfortunate habit whilst jogging of unconsciously singing along to whatever’s on my ipod. As playlist “Gym A”, includes high energy camp trash that even I’m quite embarrassed to like, this can be particularly unfortunate. I realised that I was muttering away to “Numa Numa” yesterday; to the slightly amused bewilderment of the guy in the Coldplay T-shirt next to me. Muttering is about accurate, as this particular piece of auditory shite is in Romanian so I understand only a very few of the words. Sod it, he’ll never know who I am. In Manchester, people are far enough spaced apart that they don’t hear. In the more high density set up of London, I’ll have to learn to breathe through a gag whilst still jogging.

Freedom of speech, again

Our glorious government is apparently outraged that the fact that a jury has acquitted Nick Griffin, the leader of the extreme right wing British National Party, of inciting race hatred. He’d described Islam as a “wicked, vicious faith”. Read the BBC news version of the story here.

Yet again, I despair of New Labour and thank God (or Allah if you prefer) for our common law traditions. A jury of 12 ordinary people has more power than the government. I find Nick Griffin and his compatriots repellent. Yet who the hell can possibly believe that passing laws to prevent people from expressing their sick views is going to kill those views? Who shall decide what it’s OK to say and what it’s not OK to say?

Lord Falconer, the Lord Chancellor, head of judiciary and a prize moron said “[ramble, ramble, ramble…..] what is being said to young Muslim people in this country is that we as a country are anti-Islam, and we have got to demonstrate without compromising freedom that we are not.”

Look Charlie, you fool, the truth is a significant minority in Britain is horribly racist. The bare fact is that parts of this country are anti-Islam. I don’t consider myself racist, but there are certain elements of Islam that I don’t like one bit, mostly because of its homophobia, and I ought to be able to say so. Criminalising opinions that you don’t agree with will, rightly, make martyrs of people.

How will “Charlie’s law” work? Will there be lists in the town halls of Britain saying what we can say and what we can’t? The common law has had hundreds of years to determine an appropriate balance between freedom of speech and inciting violence and it’s done a good job: a much better job than I can imagine Charlie Falconer could do of anything. Keep your interfering hands off this country’s traditions.

Why you should despise Bush

To my considerable shock, I discovered this morning that my cleaner supports George W Bush “because he’s a nice man.” She must be one of the small minority of people in Britain who knows the results of the US mid-term elections and not be both pleased and relieved. I hardly knew where to start and I seriously momentarily thought about asking for her key and suggesting that she doesn’t come back.

My cleaner is a nice person, who I suspect is greatly influenced by a friend of hers who lives in my block. This friend is somebody who I took a visceral dislike to when I met her (she seems the living definition of smug, petty, reactionary horridness).

Some things are so obvious that it’s hard to say why you believe them. If somebody were to ask you on the spot why murder is wrong, you may stumble for a moment to collect your thoughts. Your most likely answer is “because it obviously is!” That’s much how I answered the question of why I believe Bush to be bad news.

Now that I’ve had a bit of time to think it through, I thought I’d outline my top ten reasons for why the right thing to feel about Bush is loathing. I’ve tried to restrict myself to ten. Only the first two of these came to mind quickly enough to share them with my cleaner.

1. He stole the 2000 election. His henchmen deliberately designed voting forms to cause voter confusion in Florida. His pals on the Supreme Court shamelessly abused the sacred trust given to them when they were sworn in when they stopped the proper process of enquiry to usher Bush into power. Any statistical analysis shows the result in Florida to be totally invalid.
2. Despite the above, he had the sheer gall to take the oath of office; the only promise of which is to preserve, protect and defend the constitution. This supposedly Christian man took this oath with his hand on the Bible. This means he’s either lying about his faith, totally without understanding of what the oath means or just deeply stupid. My belief is that he’s all three.
3. Despite overwhelming evidence, he refuses to even acknowledge the damage to the planet that his buddies in the oil industry are doing. This is unforgivable.
4. He has no understanding or respect for the rule of law. Guantanamo Bay is an abomination. Tony Blair has a similar disregard for law. In civilised countries, we are ruled by laws, not by the whims of the most powerful. Protracted internment without trial is indefensible in all situations. Any court would agree to imprison people who clearly represent a danger. So why is Bush so determined to keep them outside the reach of the judiciary (remembering that a bent judiciary gave him a job in the first place?) Guantanamo Bay is also a violation of the US Constitution. I refer to my earlier point about failing to even observe the constitution, let alone protect it.
5. His government frequently bullies the media to ensure that alternative arguments are not given voice. A democracy requires a free media and he knows that. The neo-conservatives in the US aren’t just hostile to the Democrats, they’re hostile to democracy.
6. He greatly exaggerates fear of terrorism to get his way on a bunch of deeply unconnected things. He never tires of making political capital out of the tragedy of 9/11. This desecrates the memory of those who died.
7. His management of the US economy shows a deep lack of concern for consequences, as long as those consequences won’t be on his watch. The US economy is in la-la land and will inevitably crash sometime soon because the deficit has spun out of control from the beginning of his administration. He inherited the US economy in excellent state and has destroyed this in rapid time. Once again, the Democrats will have to mop up the mess. Bush and his pals will manage to spin this as the Democrats’ fault.
8. He smoothed over the anger caused by stealing an election in 2000 by promising to be “a uniter”. He then went on to bang on about gay marriage, abortion, stem cell research and all sorts of other issues that have no place in US politics (if you don’t know why, read the declaration of independence and the constitution itself. You’ll find very little about morals and values and rather a lot about freedom, “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”). He did this as a way to keep his pals in the home educating, frothing-at-the-mouth, howling-at-the-moon extreme Christian right happy. He has surely been the most divisive president in living history. He has divided America in a way that will take decades to repair. In 1787, the world was a much more religious place, but the authors of the constitution were wise enough to ensure that religion and politics were kept at a safe distance for the good of both. Bush doesn’t care about this, as long as it gets him votes.
9. His obfuscation over a wide range of political issues is shocking. Osama bin Laden (remember him? He’s not talked of much now as he got away) has never had anything whatever in common with Saddam Hussein. They’re both foreign and frankly darkies. That’s good enough a connection for most of America. Bush knows this and he plays on it, despite the inevitable consequences of social strife and division.
   
10. He is just plain stupid. Leaving aside his inability to string together a sentence (even when an obliging speechwriter has pre-strung and autocued it for him) he has little less than contempt for history. Gulf War (part 2) was clearly going to become Vietnam (part 2). People in the street in Manchester could have told him that. At the time, I believed that invading Iraq was unavoidable, at least after some of the grandstanding and pose striking of the equally odious Jacques Chirac. However, there was never any hint of an exit strategy. He was stupid enough to believe that “mission accomplished” was true back in May 2003. Nobody who takes such a misplaced pride in being ignorant of the lessons of history should be polishing the White House floors, let alone soiling the Oval Office with his presence.

If you’re a Republican supporter and you’re offended by any of this, go to hell. Leave a comment though, as your pathetic attempts to justify your mindlessness will give us all a laugh.

On the plus side, America has belatedly woken up to all this. This is despite the inexpressible right wing propagandist bias of the US “news” media, meaning that a decent number of Americans are defiantly able, against considerable odds, to think for themselves – eventually.

God Bless America.

Morrissey, just get over yourself mate

My earlier excitement at my “new” Technics turntable has faded somewhat.

I’ve come to realise that it’s just not very good. I was listening once again to Strangeways here we come by the Smiths yesterday. Of course, Morrissey’s always rather been one for slurring and wailing but I’ve had to come to realise that every now and again my turntable slows down and speeds up again. This causes transient key changes that are little short of alarming.

Ah well, what do you expect from ebay? I’m not going to buy another though. It’s good enough to get the gist of the old records. Back in 1987, lyrics like “there’s too much caffeine in your bloodstream and a lack of real spice in your life” just seemed ironic and funny. On a bad day nowadays, they sound semi-autobiographical.

Oh God, I'm turning into Morrissey.

From 13 November – 20 November, I shall be in Gran Canaria on holiday. I can’t wait. I shall probably take my computer and thus blog from the poolside. Escape from my rantings is not that easy.

I’ve just found out that BBC Children in Need is Friday 17 November. This means that I shall miss the annual spectacle of:

• People behind the counter in building societies dressing unconvincingly as a teddy bear
• TV newsreaders doing a “hilarious” can can dance routine
• Weathergirls doing “Singing in the rain” (or some other such pun)…again
• Having a can waved under my nose with money demanded with menaces.

You will have gathered that there is little about Children in Need night that I don’t thoroughly loathe. I loathe the forced, false, embarrassing hilarity. I deeply resent the implication that if I don’t give generously, I’m a total bastard and most probably a child molester. I deeply disapprove of TV newsreaders becoming celebrities in any case and watching them do “wacky” things is as inappropriate as it’s embarrassing. In general, anything that tends to be described as “wacky” is hard to bear.

Perhaps above all, I deeply think that we shouldn’t live in a society where children can be in genuine need and get government off the hook by contributing to charity. If there’s need there, it’s the job of government to tax me to fix the need. This means that it’s almost certainly not need, but want. Very often, the “need” is actually disability. So it’s just one big conscience assuaging exercise in pity, allowing people to then spend the next 12 months pretending real social need isn’t there. The whole thing is as bogus as hell and I’m so glad to be missing it. Don’t give them any money; it only encourages it.

In just over a week, it will be Remembrance Day. When I was at school (I left in 1987) almost everybody wore the Haig Fund remembrance poppy from the start of November for about two weeks. The word “poppy” sounds soft but it was a touching symbol of remembering the suffering and sacrifice of previous generations.

For the benefit of foreign readers, Remembrance Day is the anniversary of the armistice that ended the Great War. It is the eleventh hour or the eleventh day of the eleventh month each year. The national ceremony of remembrance is led by the Queen the nearest Sunday to this date. It’s normal to wear a poppy as remembrance. This isn’t a tradition in Ireland, even though huge numbers of Irishmen died in WW1 under the British flag.

I’ve noticed that each year, fewer and fewer people wear a poppy. I find this sad. When I was in my early twenties, I always thought that it might be some distant comfort to veterans and surviving relatives of those who died to see younger people recognising their sacrifice and loss. There are still lots of these people around. Also, I honestly believe that there is a need to remember. It’s a cliché that he who doesn’t learn from history is doomed to repeat it. Perhaps it’s not a cliché? After all, the Bush administration seems not to have heard it.

Yesterday in central Manchester, I noted that perhaps one in a hundred people was wearing a poppy. British troops are being killed in significant numbers in Iraq right now and don’t we need to remember that?

Go on, get over the fact that wearing a poppy sounds a bit like like wearing a pansy! This is one of our few clearly honourable traditions and we shouldn’t let it fade away.

The wheel of steel

For the last 20 years or so, I’ve really wanted to own a Technics turntable. I’d always resisted this, but gave in a year ago and bought one on ebay. It arrived without a stylus, which was a considerable disappointment that it took me nearly a further year to fix. But fixed today it was. Now I have a sexy technics turntable, together with the strobe light thing to get the speed right. I find that strobe light thing really ace for some reason.

So I shall spend the next few weeks making friends once more with the inexcusable shite that I listened to in the 1980s. A brief run-through of some of the records (especially the greatest hits compilations) really proves beyond reasonable doubt that ephemeral pop of the 1980s really was as bad as you remember it to be.

Tears for Fears (OK), Go West (one good single), Tanita Tikaram’s second album (shocking), Howard Jones (surprisingly OK) and the Thompson Twins (who I shouldn’t have mentioned because you’ll now have “Hold. Me. Now” in your head all day. Sorry.