So it seems that yet another airliner on the way to the States has diverted because of a “passenger disturbance”. Now as I keep saying, I very much want to be safe on board aircraft, but I can’t help but wonder if American aircrews are sufficiently proficient at spotting the difference between psychopathic suicide bombers and the mildly eccentric non Anglo-Saxon white protestant. It’s got to be noteworthy that each of the three airliners that have done an emergency landing (accompanied by a fighter jets for no reason I can understand) have all been US airlines flying out of the UK. Each one of them has been found to be totally harmless, after some considerable hoo-ha. All the hoo-ha has been carried live on television, of course.

So, if you happen to be somewhat dark skinned and on a flight out of the UK, you would be well advised to sit silently and don’t ask for anything. Any sort of behaviour out of the ordinary will result in the aircraft landing at the nearest airport, while a flight attendant holds a gun to the back of your head.

On my flight back from Prague to Manchester last week, I realised that I’d left a tub of hair gel in my cabin bag. This is prohibited at the moment, as people with knowledge I mercifully lack can apparently concoct an explosive device from a tube of Studio Line and some Colgate. I’d just forgotten about it being there. Imagine how bad that would have been on a flight to the States. You just know that no amount of profuse apologies when asking a member of crew to confiscate it would avoid a landing in Bangor, Maine with a gun in the back of one’s head (ruffling up the hairdo).

With the US dollar so remarkably weak (USD/GBP = 1.89!), a trip to the states would be really cheap at the moment. For all the paranoia, the Bush administration and so forth, America is an agreeable place to visit. The whole thing would be such a drama though that it’s just not worth it.