In need of Viagra

I receive a prodigious amount of spam emails. This is despite me being rather careful not to give out my email address generally and despite me being a distinctly low level consumer of internet porn.

However, I decided to read one of my recent spam messages, as I’ve been taking a certain amount of comfort from the fact that I get rather fewer emails these days suggesting a penis enlargement. My self-esteem is consequently flourishing.

Having come to terms with the fact that I’m not in unusually great need of a penis enlargement, the sellers of goods on the internet now seem to be determining that I have a clear need for Viagra. They have also taken to sending me spam emails with embedded images, presumably to get past my spam filter. I attach one such image at the top of this posting.

What caught my eye with this one is that it is now possible, it seems, to buy “Viagra Professional”. It seems to me that the only professional users of Viagra would be porn stars (in lieu of fluffers who have been largely made redundant I am told) or prostitutes. As I am neither, I have no need of Viagra professional, although I’m somewhat curious to try Viagra amateur for the hell of it.

What is it with use of words like “professional”, “direct” and “express” that is presumed to jazz up any mediocre product? I have seen a shop called “Pizza Direct”, which would only make sense if there were such a thing as a pizza broker. To the best of my knowledge, such a thing does not exist. Long suffering users of the Transpennine Express will also be able to testify how there is nothing whatever express about trundling to Yorkshire at bicycle speed. They presume it sounds good though.