Rejoice all ye fatties! Rejoice!

Fatties of the World, rejoice! Apparently there will soon be a type of chewing gum that stops you feeling hungry and thus the obesity crisis will be over! There will be much happiness and dancing (well initially, more like waddling) in the streets!

The story’s here on the BBC news website if you’ve not yet heard of the impending medical miracle.

Spot how it’s not going to work? If not, you’re probably not overweight.

Speaking as somebody who has spent about half of his life on the somewhat plump side (having spent the other half resoundingly on the “fat bastard” side), I can confirm that overeating for me has little to do with being hungry. I rarely pause eating for long enough to actually get hungry. Appetite suppressants are well meaning attempts by thin people, or possibly self-deluding fat people, to deal with the problem.

My own experiences of when I put on weight are this:

1. I put on weight when I’m not happy. If I’m happy, I lose weight with no effort at all.
2. I put on weight when I’m cold and when it’s dark. This is just another way of saying the same as point 1 really.
3. I put on weight when I don’t get enough sleep, which is most of the time. When I’m relaxed and rested, I don’t feel the need for constant sugar fixes. This isn’t the same as being hungry; it’s an almost physical need for sugars to keep going.
4. I put on weight when I’m on the road, but this is largely linked to not getting enough sleep and not being particularly happy. It’s also a bad thing to stay in a hotel with a prepaid buffet breakfast.

The obesity problem is surely nothing to do with us being hungrier. It’s got everything to do with us being more stressed and less happy than we used to be. The temptation to comfort eat is there and the ease with which this can be done is a danger.

I remember diving in Australia and being somewhat surprised to see the whole food chain swimming around in the same place, seemingly co-existing very happily in peace. I didn’t see one fish eat another fish and I couldn’t work out why. Then I noticed one trying and realised that it’s remarkably hard work to catch live prey and eat it. In other words, you’d only go to the trouble of eating if you were bloody hungry. This probably explains why I find it hard to pass McDonalds, but I’ve never walked past a cow and been tempted to run after it and take a bite out of its arse.

So my theory on the obesity epidemic is that it’s a symptom of a problem with mental health rather than a problem in itself. It’s compounded by high calorie food being too easy to come by. Pills aren’t going to help. We fatties just need to “get real” and that’s the end of the story.